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Sarah Sands: ‘Mum Killed Our Abuser – It Didn’t Stop the Nightmares’ Trauma is not something that simply vanishes when the source of pain is removed. For Sarah Sands, this harsh reality became painfully clear when her mother killed the man who had sexually abused her. While many might assume that such an act of justice would provide a sense of closure or relief, Sarah’s journey revealed a much more complex truth: justice doesn’t always equate to healing.
Despite the abuser’s death, Sarah was still trapped in the psychological aftermath of her trauma. Nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and deep emotional scars continued to plague her, a haunting reminder that the damage done to the mind can’t always be erased by an act of vengeance. Why doesn’t justice bring peace? What does it truly take for someone who’s been abused to heal from the wounds that run far deeper than physical scars?
The Struggle for Closure: A Mother’s Act of Justice
For many, the idea of a loved one seeking revenge on their abuser can feel like a twisted form of justice. In the case of Sarah Sands, her mother’s violent act against the man who sexually abused her left her with a mix of emotions — from anger and fear to confusion and unresolved grief.
Key Point:
Even after her abuser’s death, Sarah continued to suffer from traumatic flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, and nightmares. This reveals a fundamental truth about trauma: Justice alone does not heal emotional wounds.
Understanding the Impact of Trauma on the Brain
Trauma, especially childhood trauma, can rewire the brain. According to studies, prolonged exposure to traumatic events can alter how the brain processes emotions and memories. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is often a result, with symptoms like anxiety, hypervigilance, flashbacks, and nightmares.
- Fact: According to the American Psychological Association, about 70% of adults in the U.S. have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lives, but the long-term effects of trauma often remain unaddressed.
In Sarah’s case, the traumatic event left deep emotional scars that couldn’t be healed by retribution or revenge. Even the apparent closure of her abuser’s death didn’t end her suffering — because trauma doesn’t always work that way.
The Role of Justice in Healing: Why It’s Not Enough
We often associate justice with healing, assuming that bringing an abuser to justice will automatically end the pain. But for survivors of trauma, it’s not always that simple. Psychological healing requires more than just legal action; it needs emotional processing and support systems that help survivors work through their feelings.
Key Insights:
- Revenge may offer temporary relief, but it doesn’t provide lasting healing or peace of mind.
- Therapy, meditation, and support groups play crucial roles in emotional recovery.
Sarah’s ongoing nightmares despite the man’s death underscore the importance of focusing on long-term mental health strategies. Justice may offer some closure, but it doesn’t reverse the damage caused by trauma.
Steps to Heal from Unresolved Trauma
Healing from abuse requires intentional effort and professional help. Here are some steps experts recommend for anyone experiencing unresolved trauma:
- Seek Professional Therapy: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and trauma-focused therapy can help victims reprocess their traumatic memories.
- Engage in Mindfulness Practices: Meditation, breathing exercises, and journaling can help reduce anxiety and provide emotional relief.
- Join Support Groups: Connecting with others who have experienced similar trauma can provide validation and understanding, reducing feelings of isolation.
- Acknowledge and Express Emotions: Bottling up feelings can worsen trauma. It’s essential to feel and express anger, sadness, fear, and grief in a healthy manner.
- Foster Healthy Relationships: Rebuilding trust and developing supportive, nurturing relationships is key to overcoming emotional isolation.
Expert Advice: Coping with Nightmares and Flashbacks
For those like Sarah Sands who continue to suffer from nightmares and flashbacks, it’s important to understand that these symptoms are normal reactions to abnormal situations. Experts suggest that addressing these symptoms through professional therapy is essential.
- Reality Checking: For those experiencing nightmares, reality checks before bed can help. Techniques like grounding exercises or mindfulness can reduce the intensity of nightmares.
- Gradual Exposure Therapy: This method involves slowly and carefully confronting traumatic memories in a controlled and safe way to reduce their emotional impact.
Conclusion
Sarah Sands’ story is a heartbreaking reminder of how deeply trauma can affect a person’s mind, even after justice is served. The long-lasting effects of abuse require more than just revenge to heal — they need continuous emotional and psychological support.
While the act of killing the abuser may have brought some sense of justice, Sarah’s journey proves that true healing requires ongoing effort. Victims of abuse need professional therapy, emotional support, and coping mechanisms to address the psychological scars left behind.
FAQ
1. Why didn’t Sarah Sands feel peace after her abuser’s death?
Trauma often doesn’t end with justice; deep emotional wounds like PTSD require long-term psychological support to heal.
2. What is PTSD and how does it relate to abuse?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition triggered by experiencing or witnessing traumatic events, often causing nightmares, flashbacks, and anxiety.
3. Can nightmares after trauma ever go away?
Yes, with the right therapy and coping mechanisms, the intensity and frequency of nightmares can diminish over time.
4. What types of therapy are effective for trauma recovery?
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), EMDR, and trauma-focused therapy have proven to be effective for processing and healing from trauma.
5. How does unresolved trauma affect relationships?
Unresolved trauma can lead to trust issues, emotional distance, and difficulties in building or maintaining healthy relationships.
6. What can I do to help a friend who is dealing with trauma?
Listen without judgment, encourage professional therapy, and be supportive without pushing them to “move on.”
